The Twenties Unscripted Male Think Tank is a select group of men (aka my friends) who anonymously provide their thoughts on select topics, specifically related to dating and relationships. The group has been on a bit of a hiatus, but the men have returned today to share their thoughts about everyone’s favorite subject…Tinder. Today’s post includes five of the guys responses. Check in tomorrow to hear from the rest of the guys.
The September issue of Vanity Fair includes an article entitled “Tinder and the Dawn of the Dating Apocalypse.” I finished the article all too convinced that when it comes to dating, my generation is doomed. But, having never actually used Tinder myself, I figured it was time to get The Male Think Tank involved. Has Tinder ruined dating? What’s the fastest any of these guys have hooked up with a girl after meeting her on Tinder? Is it still possible to form genuine and authentic connections in today’s world? The Male Think Tank sounds off on these questions and more in this month’s post.
Have you ever met anyone with long-term potential from Tinder?
Guy 1: No, but that’s because I didn’t use Tinder long enough to really meet people on it. Also, when I was using Tinder I wasn’t using it to find a long-term partner.
Guy 3: I personally have not. It’s not to say that those people don’t exist, it’s just that the ones on Tinder I match with are generally not as attractive as I’d like. It’s usually the ones you think to yourself “Well, I’d at least beat” that you match with. From there it’s a few bland messages, maybe a phone number, some dry texting then ghost. I’ve been on one date resulting from Tinder (she was actually attractive) and she ended up being crazy.
Guy 4: I haven’t met anyone through Tinder. Most of the instances where I get a match, it’s usually just a robot who wants me to click on a mysterious website link, and I always decline.
Guy 5: No, because I haven’t tried. I just don’t think the odds are favorable for finding the right type of woman on a site like that.
Guy 6: No, neither one of us were looking for long-term commitment, just the connection we had right there. We had an understanding, however, the vibe was there.
When online dating, what are some things you look for in a woman’s bio? What are some red flags?
Guy 1: What I look for: 1. She’s attractive 2. We don’t have mutual friends (it would suck to go on a date with each other, it suck, and then have to see her at some event with friends) 3. She’s not looking for a serious relationship Red flags: 1. She comes off crazy/erratic just based on her profile 2. She’s looking for a soulmate online.
Guy 3: I look for a clear understanding of the English language. I also look for subject-verb agreement, spelling, grammar, syntax and to see if you could possibly read above a third grade level. In all seriousness, I just look to see if you’re showing a persona or just being honest. Red flags include using the same vowel several times within 10-20 characters e.g “ii love miii”, talking about any exes negatively, or at all (let that hurt go). I’d also say that if you put some shit like “only looking for friends”…go the fuck outside and make friends. We’re here for a reason.
Less is more. People are more complex than a few words can say in a bio – so don’t sell yourself short. Include enough to get you to the next step, whatever that may be. If you’re looking for a relationship, you should say so. If you just want to hook up, you should be up front about that too.
Guy 4: I always fancy a good pun or quip in a woman’s bio. It lets me know that she has a good sense of humor. Anything alluding to her musical tastes can also act as a positive. When it comes to red flags, it’s all relative. Personally, I find that if she is in school, works a lot, or is really active with groups or stuff like that, it can be a flag. Not in the sense that women shouldn’t do stuff, because they can of course. I just know that I would be busy with what I got going on on my end, and maybe our schedules wouldn’t be able to line up right to spend time with each other on a consistent basis. I am not one to get in the way of anyone’s personal endeavors.
Guy 5: I would look for similar interests, but not generic “long walks on the beach” things. What a person chooses to do with their spare time says a lot about them. It would also be smart to pay attention to just how much detail someone freely puts out there for the public eye. In the age of social media, it seems few things are held sacred and private. A good woman usually plays things closer to the chest.
Guy 6: Location obviously, but that’s not a deal breaker though. I like to see if she’s open minded to certain things, or if she dismissive to anything aside from what she likes. Those things matter to me, I’m not don’t have standards, but if you require house/car/job, and I have a house, and job…working on the car…does she work with dude? Or she completely downing him. In all I just love open-minded women.
The million dollar question: has Tinder ruined dating? Why/why not? Is it still possible to form genuine connections? If so, how?
Guy 1: I don’t think Tinder (or any online service) has ruined dating. I think it has created its own niche for people who want to find fuck buddies though. Personally, I don’t take online dating seriously (though others may) because I feel like profiles don’t do a person justice. I can’t know someone/whether I’ll like them just because we have similar interests that I read off of a page. This is why I’d be way more likely to sleep with someone from Tinder than take them seriously as a significant other.
I want the person who I start dating seriously and I to have a fun backstory about how we met. I don’t want have to tell my friends that “Yeah, I met my girlfriend on Tinder.” I think it’s possible to form a genuine connection with someone off of Tinder. Maybe it’s my pride, but I think there’s something to be said where you can go up to someone (before you know that they’re attracted to you) and build the connection from the ground up without having to read who they are from a webpage.
Guy 3: I have formed genuine connections over the length of my singlehood. Tinder hasn’t ruined anything. It’s a tool, nothing more. To say Tinder ruined dating would be like saying Twitter ruined all personal social interaction. It’s a tool.
Guy 4: I don’t believe Tinder will ruin a person’s dating experience, just as long as they don’t use Tinder as their only method of dating. In conjunction with a lot of activities, Tinder can be of great use. So if you use it, continue to do so, but still hit some speed dating events, go to a meet up, talk to somebody you find attractive in a club, even ask you friends if they have someone they can hook you up with. To me, genuine and authentic connections are still very much alive. But in this day and age where instant gratification and social ADHD run rampant, getting to those connections is an extremely difficult task. There isn’t a universal rule or tip I can give anyone to foster connections with others because everyone is different. I can say though, if you get to know yourself better and truly understand what resonates with you, you should try to lead everything you do with that connection. I feel like in doing that, the things that do strike you will be more noticeable and recognizable to you.
Guy 5: Believe it or not, I think Tinder might be helpful for the overall dating scene. The thots can stay online, and find all the hookups they want, which in turn makes it easier to find the serious daters. I do believe there is a place for online dating, and authentic, long-term connections can be formed from those interactions. Hell, I met my ex on Twitter. It just makes it a lot harder to find what you’re looking for, which is the opposite of what these sites are selling. It’s tough to fake a conversation for an extended period of time, and truly keep someone interested even though you’re not their type. Online, however, I can be who, or whatever I want to be. To me, that’s a scary proposition.
Guy 6: 1). No, it hasn’t ruined it. People ruin things. There are pros and cons, the same way there are pros and cons with meeting in person. Tinder expands your options and can cut the awkward phase if you’re a person who is hesitant or nervous to approach. For example, I’ve chatted with a woman for a week, we exchanged contacts and when we finally had our first date it wasn’t shaky. We felt like we were connected, the initial physical meet up was like “Whoa, this is really happening,” but overall the mental/verbal ice breaker was over…but I feel genuine connections can still be formed, rather it’s online or in person. The person you meet online would be the same one you met at the bar or grocery store; the only difference is they’re behind a screen, as we all are often times, you know? I believe it’s just all up to you, and your preference. 2). Con: catfish is real. So safety concerns are definitely something to take into consideration, however that’s why I advise meeting in public places…
Check in tomorrow to hear from the second half of the Male Think Tank.
Tyece (and the men)