Remember the good old days of Facebook? The days when you used to write on people’s walls and your crush would poke you? The days when you titled your albums and actually got excited, not annoyed, when people wished you a happy birthday? Yeah, those days are long gone.
If it weren’t for my blog, I’d probably do away entirely with any sort of Facebook presence. Usually I elect actual paragraphs over list posts because I hate list posts. But, I’m going against my own philosophy to generate this very necessary list of why Facebook has become a wasteland.
The butchered grammar of status updates
It’s apparent that some people have yet to master the English language. “My two little cousins that’s not so little anymore.” I just read that on Facebook. Three words: subject-verb agreement. Learn it. The rest of us did somewhere around first grade.
I get it. I online shop a lot. But, I need Facebook to respect my credit card balance and cut the foolishness of the ads. If I want to know Wet Seal maxi skirts are on sale, I can find out by going to the website.
Those who-the-fuck-are-these-people Facebook friends
Occasionally, someone’s status update will pop up on my News Feed and I’ll wonder “Who the fuck is this person?” I forgot that it was cool to friend people during high school or those people you did that one summer program with for two weeks about six years ago. But, now, you truly don’t give two shits what they have to say. You didn’t know them then and you sure as hell don’t know them now.
Farm Heroes Saga
Stop. Sending. Me. Invites. I. Do. Not. Want. To. Play.
Scare tactic ads
In a separate class of fuckery from normal ads, these are those ads that attempt to push philanthropy, but really just freak you out. Don’t make me elaborate on this because I will most certainly sound like the heinous human being I am.
Really? 151 likes?
Parents, grandparents and other relatives who discovered Facebook and think it’s the best thing since sliced bread
The new algorithms (blogger woe)
I couldn’t contain my excitement a year or so ago when I created the Twenties Unscripted Facebook page. I thought I was soooo legit. And, then, here comes Zuckerberg and team ready to change the algorithms and suggest I PAY to “boost my post.” Boost my asshole, that’s what you can boost.
No, really? 151 likes?
I know I missed some reasons. Let’s continue the Facebook hate in the comments section.