I can’t be the only blogger struggling with what to say for my first post of the new year. I can’t be the only blogger contemplating sucking down a second glass of wine just to help some words flow, just so I can muster up something slightly insightful to pen. I can’t be the only blogger who feels crushed under the pressure of all the New Year’s hoopla, feeling forced to capitalize on the fact that everyone is still embodying the “New Year, New Me” mantra five days in.
This New Year’s season was the first time I thought, “It kind of sucks to have a blog during New Year’s.” There is the surmounting weight of your year-end post, a post that squeezes your brain and sucks the life out of you as you attempt to contain the waves of a year in 1000 or so words. Then there are all of the blog relaunches, launches, new projects and other things to keep track of from everyone else. It seems so logical to roll out new plans at the beginning of the year (something I have already done and will continue to do throughout this week–consider it Twenties Unscripted Premiere Week) until you realize it’s tough to cut through the noise of everyone else’s new plans. And, of course, there is the mass of your first post of the new year. So, here we are.
Many of my plans for 2015 are currently housed in my tiny beating heart, taking up space in my brain. I have socialized some of those plans with a few trusted people in my tribe, electing to do as I said in my year-end post and “protect the vision.” Some of those plans, however, are things I will gladly share with readers. For instance, I’m writing less this year to free up room for bigger projects. There were times last year when I was writing four original pieces a week and while I love y’all, I love my sanity much more. This blog will always be my first love, but I am also at a point where I’m grateful that this space has given me the runway to work on larger-scale projects. So the plan is to write two posts a week as well as publish a guest post or feature once a week.
Some of my plans are the kind of plans that scare the living shit out of me, which are really the only plans I pursue nowadays. If it’s not bigger than life, if it’s not scary as shit, if it doesn’t give you chills, then it’s not outside of your comfort zone. It’s not forcing you to grow. And you should leave it the fuck alone.
And, finally, there is the uncertainty of the year ahead. The uncertainty we all have to accept, no matter how many mantras we post on our whiteboards or how many inspirational words we cut out from magazines. There is the grand, immense and inevitable unpredictability of these days that now sit so dreamily in front of us. There are the forks in the road we never saw, the events that will send us in a different direction, the moments in life that will shift all of the beautiful plans we made. There are better plans that will manifest, better ideas that will pop into our heads, new thoughts that will guide the old plans we made. There are new friends who will become a part of our old plans and old friends who will become a part of our new plans. There are people who will stay and people who will go and people who may re-enter. There will be revelations, resolutions, evolution. There will be bullshit, pain and battles that weren’t ever worth fighting. There will be beauty, love and happiness that’s simply unspeakable. It won’t necessarily be a good year or a shitty year, but it will be a year. And any year is filled with loveliness and shit.
So what else is there to do but stand firm and dream still? Believe still. Plan still. Hope still. Know that some days you’ll cry and other days you’ll laugh and some days you will just let the world quiet down so you can remain still. Some days you’ll fight and some days you’ll write and some days you’ll curl up with a glass of wine and shut everything else down. Some days you’ll soar, some days you’ll dip and some days you will be happy just to walk on solid ground. So stand. Believe. Plan. Hope. Love. Do the work. Do it some more. Embrace the uncertainty, soak it up and believe in its magic. You can’t plan for the uncertainty and you sure as hell can’t resist it when it appears. So let the road wind and let the rain pour. Happy 2015.