Category Archives: Male Think Tank

The Male Think Tank: Has Tinder Ruined Dating? Pt. 2

September 18, 2015

Check out part 1 of this post here.

Have you ever met anyone with long-term potential from Tinder?

 

Guy 8: No. I probably don’t take most of the women seriously because I feel like they don’t take the guys seriously either.

Guy 9: No. I personally have never used the app. My knowledge of Tinder leads me to believe that it is very superficial at best. I’m probably not going to spend much time reading a bio, but tend to focus on what someone appears to look like. Swipe left or swipe right. Hopefully we hook-up. The app does not provide a platform that enables users looking for substance much to anticipate or look forward to.

Guy 11: I’ve never used Tinder but I don’t see why you couldn’t find a potential partner using it. We’re primed to seek out visual cues of attractive traits in potential mates. There’s definitely some truth to the trope of love at first sight. But physical attractiveness is subjective and unpredictable. It’s a mingling of biology and history and you can’t be sure if your attraction towards someone is requited until you engage with them. There’s a lot of insecurity in dating / relationships and knowing that the other person has an innate attraction to you can build confidence and provide the freedom to be yourself. Tinder mitigates that initial anxiety by getting you past the superficial to the real work of determining compatibility.

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The million dollar question: has Tinder ruined dating? Why/why not? Is it still possible to form genuine connections? If so, how?

 

Guy 7: Tinder hasn’t ruined dating completely, but it removes two key components from the process: courtship and chivalry. The app enables a larger problem of male laziness and superficiality. A guy no longer has to even get off the couch to find a date. And his pre-requisites for a match are now based off geographic proximity and facial symmetry rather than personality and intellect. I feel like many single women activate Tinder accounts in an effort to keep with the trends and expand their opportunities. I don’t totally discredit the app because I do think true connections can occur and it helps people meet that otherwise might not have the chance. The sad part, however, is those real connections often have to wade through a sea of dick pics in order to happen.

Guy 8: I don’t think it’s ruined dating. I do know some people who are/have been in meaningful relationships because of dating apps (including Tinder). You just have to know what you’re getting yourself into. You can’t form a genuine/authentic connection through Tinder. The best you can do is break down SOME of the initial awkwardness before you meet up in person. From there, it’s just like going on a normal date. And once you’ve met up in person, you still have to hit it off to continue going on dates. Tinder just makes it easier to say “I like you, do you like me back?” or “you’re hot, I want to bang, shall we?” without the person knowing you’re asking. You can just swipe right and if they swipe right back you know they’re already into you. If they don’t, there’s no shame or embarrassment. It eliminates the fear of rejection. I do think dating apps have made people more picky. Not because something better is on a dating app but because the idea that there COULD be something better is in the back of your mind. So it hasn’t ruined dating but maybe ruined the likelihood to commit or be happy with what you have.

Guy 9: Tinder hasn’t ruined dating. It serves as a platform for those looking for something quick, easy an fun. Which I believe was and still is the intention. If substance and a long term relationship is something an individual seeks, Tinder would never serve as the appropriate medium for such. It’s a bit naive. You can’t turn water into wine. Forming genuine and authentic connections still take place. Once everyone decides to drop their guard a little, take a chance and step out of their norm, they might see potential in someone. We prohibit ourselves from enjoying these fleeting moments because of our pre-requisites and long list of requirements we attach to everything. How can something be genuine or authentic when in essence we are attempting to control and mold the situation almost from the very first time we interact with someone? Do something new, be a bit vulnerable and lose the laundry list of shit that truly doesn’t matter. That is the meat and potatoes of forming not just genuine and authentic but liberating.

Guy 11: No. If anyone has ruined dating it’s the immature guys referenced in the Vanity Fair article that aren’t ready for a serious relationship anyway. They remind me of the cast of Jersey Shore and I hope they aren’t representative of most Tinder users, for women’s sake. Although I’ve never used it and can only go by what I’ve read, Tinder sounds like a great tool for meeting people who are attracted to you. If you want to use it for hooking up, I’m sure it’s great for that too. But how can an app with the sole purpose of introducing two people who find each other attractive keep them from forming a genuine and authentic connection? It’s up to them to determine if there’s going to be a connection or not.

Tinder is going to make your life easier by casting a net to bring you in contact with people you might not otherwise, but it’s not going to form a lasting connection with someone for you. There’s not an app for that. I think many young people today struggle with the mentality that there is always something or someone better. We’ve grown up in an age of great technological advancement and we’re used to having the latest and greatest neatly pre-packaged for our

 

 

The Male Think Tank: Has Tinder Ruined Dating? Pt. 1

September 17, 2015

The Twenties Unscripted Male Think Tank is a select group of men (aka my friends) who anonymously provide their thoughts on select topics, specifically related to dating and relationships. The group has been on a bit of a hiatus, but the men have returned today to share their thoughts about everyone’s favorite subject…Tinder. Today’s post includes five of the guys responses. Check in tomorrow to hear from the rest of the guys.

The September issue of Vanity Fair includes an article entitled “Tinder and the Dawn of the Dating Apocalypse.” I finished the article all too convinced that when it comes to dating, my generation is doomed. But, having never actually used Tinder myself, I figured it was time to get The Male Think Tank involved. Has Tinder ruined dating? What’s the fastest any of these guys have hooked up with a girl after meeting her on Tinder? Is it still possible to form genuine and authentic connections in today’s world? The Male Think Tank sounds off on these questions and more in this month’s post.

Have you ever met anyone with long-term potential from Tinder?

Guy 1: No, but that’s because I didn’t use Tinder long enough to really meet people on it. Also, when I was using Tinder I wasn’t using it to find a long-term partner.

Guy 3: I personally have not. It’s not to say that those people don’t exist, it’s just that the ones on Tinder I match with are generally not as attractive as I’d like. It’s usually the ones you think to yourself “Well, I’d at least beat” that you match with. From there it’s a few bland messages, maybe a phone number, some dry texting then ghost. I’ve been on one date resulting from Tinder (she was actually attractive) and she ended up being crazy.

Guy 4: I haven’t met anyone through Tinder. Most of the instances where I get a match, it’s usually just a robot who wants me to click on a mysterious website link, and I always decline.

Guy 5: No, because I haven’t tried. I just don’t think the odds are favorable for finding the right type of woman on a site like that.

Guy 6: No, neither one of us were looking for long-term commitment, just the connection we had right there. We had an understanding, however, the vibe was there.

When online dating, what are some things you look for in a woman’s bio? What are some red flags?

Guy 1: What I look for: 1. She’s attractive 2. We don’t have mutual friends (it would suck to go on a date with each other, it suck, and then have to see her at some event with friends) 3. She’s not looking for a serious relationship Red flags: 1. She comes off crazy/erratic just based on her profile 2. She’s looking for a soulmate online.

Guy 3: I look for a clear understanding of the English language. I also look for subject-verb agreement, spelling, grammar, syntax and to see if you could possibly read above a third grade level. In all seriousness, I just look to see if you’re showing a persona or just being honest. Red flags include using the same vowel several times within 10-20 characters e.g “ii love miii”, talking about any exes negatively, or at all (let that hurt go). I’d also say that if you put some shit like “only looking for friends”…go the fuck outside and make friends. We’re here for a reason.

Less is more. People are more complex than a few words can say in a bio – so don’t sell yourself short. Include enough to get you to the next step, whatever that may be. If you’re looking for a relationship, you should say so. If you just want to hook up, you should be up front about that too.

Guy 4: I always fancy a good pun or quip in a woman’s bio. It lets me know that she has a good sense of humor. Anything alluding to her musical tastes can also act as a positive. When it comes to red flags, it’s all relative. Personally, I find that if she is in school, works a lot, or is really active with groups or stuff like that, it can be a flag. Not in the sense that women shouldn’t do stuff, because they can of course. I just know that I would be busy with what I got going on on my end, and maybe our schedules wouldn’t be able to line up right to spend time with each other on a consistent basis. I am not one to get in the way of anyone’s personal endeavors.

Guy 5: I would look for similar interests, but not generic “long walks on the beach” things. What a person chooses to do with their spare time says a lot about them. It would also be smart to pay attention to just how much detail someone freely puts out there for the public eye. In the age of social media, it seems few things are held sacred and private. A good woman usually plays things closer to the chest.

Guy 6: Location obviously, but that’s not a deal breaker though. I like to see if she’s open minded to certain things, or if she dismissive to anything aside from what she likes. Those things matter to me, I’m not don’t have standards, but if you require house/car/job, and I have a house, and job…working on the car…does she work with dude? Or she completely downing him. In all I just love open-minded women.

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The million dollar question: has Tinder ruined dating? Why/why not? Is it still possible to form genuine connections? If so, how?

Guy 1: I don’t think Tinder (or any online service) has ruined dating. I think it has created its own niche for people who want to find fuck buddies though. Personally, I don’t take online dating seriously (though others may) because I feel like profiles don’t do a person justice. I can’t know someone/whether I’ll like them just because we have similar interests that I read off of a page. This is why I’d be way more likely to sleep with someone from Tinder than take them seriously as a significant other.

I want the person who I start dating seriously and I to have a fun backstory about how we met. I don’t want have to tell my friends that “Yeah, I met my girlfriend on Tinder.” I think it’s possible to form a genuine connection with someone off of Tinder. Maybe it’s my pride, but I think there’s something to be said where you can go up to someone (before you know that they’re attracted to you) and build the connection from the ground up without having to read who they are from a webpage.

Guy 3: I have formed genuine connections over the length of my singlehood. Tinder hasn’t ruined anything. It’s a tool, nothing more. To say Tinder ruined dating would be like saying Twitter ruined all personal social interaction. It’s a tool.

Guy 4: I don’t believe Tinder will ruin a person’s dating experience, just as long as they don’t use Tinder as their only method of dating. In conjunction with a lot of activities, Tinder can be of great use. So if you use it, continue to do so, but still hit some speed dating events, go to a meet up, talk to somebody you find attractive in a club, even ask you friends if they have someone they can hook you up with. To me, genuine and authentic connections are still very much alive. But in this day and age where instant gratification and social ADHD run rampant, getting to those connections is an extremely difficult task. There isn’t a universal rule or tip I can give anyone to foster connections with others because everyone is different. I can say though, if you get to know yourself better and truly understand what resonates with you, you should try to lead everything you do with that connection. I feel like in doing that, the things that do strike you will be more noticeable and recognizable to you.

Guy 5: Believe it or not, I think Tinder might be helpful for the overall dating scene. The thots can stay online, and find all the hookups they want, which in turn makes it easier to find the serious daters. I do believe there is a place for online dating, and authentic, long-term connections can be formed from those interactions. Hell, I met my ex on Twitter. It just makes it a lot harder to find what you’re looking for, which is the opposite of what these sites are selling. It’s tough to fake a conversation for an extended period of time, and truly keep someone interested even though you’re not their type. Online, however, I can be who, or whatever I want to be. To me, that’s a scary proposition.

Guy 6: 1). No, it hasn’t ruined it. People ruin things. There are pros and cons, the same way there are pros and cons with meeting in person. Tinder expands your options and can cut the awkward phase if you’re a person who is hesitant or nervous to approach. For example, I’ve chatted with a woman for a week, we exchanged contacts and when we finally had our first date it wasn’t shaky. We felt like we were connected, the initial physical meet up was like “Whoa, this is really happening,” but overall the mental/verbal ice breaker was over…but I feel genuine connections can still be formed, rather it’s online or in person. The person you meet online would be the same one you met at the bar or grocery store; the only difference is they’re behind a screen, as we all are often times, you know? I believe it’s just all up to you, and your preference. 2). Con: catfish is real. So safety concerns are definitely something to take into consideration, however that’s why I advise meeting in public places…

Check in tomorrow to hear from the second half of the Male Think Tank.

Xoxo,
Tyece (and the men)

Recap: My 8 Favorite Moments From Mimosas and Men

April 21, 2015

The Male Think Tank + their main woman :)  Photo credit: Erica Nichole

The Male Think Tank + their main woman 🙂
Photo credit: Erica Nichole

When the idea to do an event called “Mimosas and Men: Brunch and Real Talk with the Male Think Tank” came to me at the end of February, I wasn’t sure the men would buy into it. I knew they liked writing anonymously for the site, but I assumed an event that would bring their faces and voices to the forefront wouldn’t necessarily hold as much appeal.

But, I was wrong. And I’m so glad I was.

On Sunday, April 19, five members from the Twenties Unscripted Male Think Tank (plus an honorary one) came together in NYC with 17 women for a no holds barred conversation about dating, relationships and sex. The afternoon was filled with honesty, laughs, some yells and a hell of a lot of fun. Here were some of my favorite moments, lessons and epiphanies from Mimosas and Men. And a huge thanks to my partner-in-crime Erica Nichole for capturing these hilarious moments on camera!

8. Never tell a group of women you would want to date someone for 7-10 months before making it official.

The first answer of the day that incited uproar was when Chris announced he wanted to date someone for 7-10 months before making it official. His reasoning? “I want to see the full spectrum of a person.” The women definitely didn’t agree, but it made for an interesting debate. (Most of the men agreed 2-3 months of dating before making it official is more of the norm.)

Clearly they were not here for it. At all.

Clearly they were not here for it. At all.

 

7. You can make more money than a man; just don’t emasculate him.

“A man needs to feel like a man,” Malcolm said during the “What if the woman is the breadwinner?” query. I have always had my own qualms with the “A man needs to feel like a man” theorem, but Malcolm did a great job explaining it. He said men want to feel like providers and it doesn’t bode well for them when you strip them of that feeling, whether they make more money than you or not.

6. Say what you want about cheating, but it all boils down a lack of respect.

The cheating conversation was another one that quickly catapulted into a full blown explosion, but Kevin brought everyone back down to Earth with a very simple statement: “It all boils down to a lack of respect.” Let the church say amen.

Ok, now they're here for it. Photo credit: Erica Nichole

Ok, now they’re here for it.
Photo credit: Erica Nichole

5. Can we stop referring to the number of sexual partners a person has had as “body count?”

Darius said it. I agree. This isn’t a massacre, people.

Darius offering his perspective. Photo credit: Erica Nichole

Darius offering his perspective.
Photo credit: Erica Nichole

4. Who keeps the door open when a man loses interest, yet still keeps you on the bench?

This discussion wasn’t as heated as some of the others, but it definitely forced me to consider who the onus is really on when men “keep the door open” with a woman they are only semi-interested in. (Ah, memories. Like the corners of my mind.) Some of the ladies wondered why men do that and block them from a chance at something with someone else, but Marc played devil’s advocate and made a valid point: maybe that’s just you blocking yourself from something better. It’s all about perspective and ownership. Who stays, who goes and what you choose to tolerate may actually be up to you.

3. Even if you had sex with his friend a decade ago, it’s a problem.

When we got to the sex round, somehow the infamous question surfaced: What if she smashed the homie? The majority of the men agreed that if a woman had sex with one of his close friends, she was immediately and undoubtedly off limits. “What if it was 14 years ago?” one of the ladies asked. For Osi, that didn’t matter. “That’s just always going to be in the back of my mind,” he said.

2. Invite Noélle to your next event.

See the exhibit below. Enough said.

Noelle letting the men know what's up. Photo credit: Erica Nichole

Noelle letting the men know what’s up.
Photo credit: Erica Nichole

1. I’m a lucky ass woman to have these women and men in my life.

Even though there were instances while I was moderating the panel that it felt like I was directing traffic (there was a moment where I asked everyone to calm the fuck down, in those exact words), I had an amazing time that afternoon. Looking around the room, I felt incredibly fortunate for the level of support I’ve received from my New York ladies. I always get such good vibes and energy when I have a chance to connect with them. Their voices, honesty and encouragement continue to help shape this brand. I also felt beyond grateful for each of the guys in the room. Each of the men, in some way, shape or form, have contributed to the success of Twenties Unscripted, and many of them have had a stake in my own life–imparting whatever wisdom they have, helping me learn about myself and navigate my dating life and listening to me vent a hell of a lot. It’s good to just have good people around you, male or female. Thank God for mimosas and thank God for men.

Stay tuned for Mimosas and Men Part 2, at some point later this year!

Xoxo,
Tyece

Part 2: The Male Think Tank Tackles Cheating

April 17, 2015

Click here for Part 1 of this post.

Do you believe a relationship can recover after someone has cheated?

Guy 1: Nnnnnnneeeeeeeeooooooopppppppeeeeeeeeee. Every time I see you it’ll just remind me of it.

Guy 2: I do not believe a relationship can be recovered after someone has cheated. That’s a scar that cuts so deep that it’s unrecoverable. There’s so much distrust and resentment that will always be at the core of the relationship. Remember, and I’ll be emphasizing this point a lot here, the weakness shown by the act should be a huge red flag for the other partner. I think a lot of times, victims may think that it’s easy to recover, but that may be a fear of being alone again. Some people feel its more convenient to save something familiar than to start fresh again.

Guy 3: From personal experience, no. Recovering from a lack of trust is nearly impossible. You can mask the damage and even recover to a degree in which you’re (barely) comfortable, but the reality is that your trust will never be as strong as it once was and as I’ve said before, trust is everything.

Guy 4: Yes, I believe so, but it weighs so much on the events leading up to it. Cheating basically, eliminates the most important aspect of a relationship which is trust. In the case of cheating, either party would have to decide whether it would be worth it go through the tedious task of rebuilding that trust.If it is a both parties are dedicated to it, than why not.

Guy 5: Yes, but this is clearly very dependent on the circumstances. Who did the person cheat with? Why did they cheat? Is it a pattern? A lot of questions need to be answered before that process can begin.

Guy 6: I do believe that it can, no doubt. Will take a lot of work, and effort. As well as trust. Forgiveness and patience is key. One party has to acknowledge the hurt done, and the other has to acknowledge that they can’t hold the cliud over their partners head forever. Can’t make them pay the same mistakes ( if they’ve changed).

Guy 8: Yes. Cheating is wrong and will hurt the other person in the relationship. However, everyone can make a mistake. As long as the person is sincerely sorry about what they did and they work to make up for it the relationship can recover. It also requires the other person to learn how to forgive and move forward with their partner, which can be equally as difficult, but certainly possible.

Guy 9: Relationships can recover from cheating. I’m not an advocate of it simply because that trust I had for you is now gone. But for those that do recover, it’s mainly because they actually forgave the other person. You actually have to forgive and move on. Most of us “forgive” but still live within that hurt, so any small thing that occurs in the future triggers those past emotions. Then we constantly remind the person of their past ways even when their current actions may have nothing to do with the past ones.


 

Is a woman who has previously cheated on her significant other a deal breaker for you in a potential relationship? Is a woman who has been the “other woman” a deal breaker? Why or why not?

Guy 1: No, it’s not a deal breaker but it’s definitely a red flag and something to monitor. Everything needs context so I can’t write someone off just because they cheated. I’d have to hear the story behind it first. If the story sounds dumb as fuck, then it just might be a deal breaker. A woman who has been “the other woman” needs context also. Maybe her self-esteem was low, or she just didn’t care about being a homewrecking asshole. The homewrecking asshole may be a deal breaker too.

Guy 2: Yes, a woman who has cheated and/or has been the “other woman” is a deal breaker for me. This tells me that she cannot communicate effectively in a relationship, and turns to the easy route if things ever go south. I’d prefer to not have to worry about something like that in a new relationship.

Guy 3: No all around for me. I’ve been the other guy but I’ve never cheated on somebody that I was in a relationship with. I personally can separate the two. I know I wasn’t shit for being the other guy, but also having been there, I know the damage one can cause and I know now that I wouldn’t want to be judged by the errors I made as a younger person. Now, if this woman had just cheated and gotten out of a relationship for that reason, I might consider whether or not she would be trustworthy. I still wouldn’t call it a deal breaker because I have a penis and if you are beautiful to me, you may get the benefit of the doubt or be worth the risk.

Guy 4: In referencing a previous answer, It may not be a deal breaker if I figure out why it happened. But she would lose some stock though for sure. The same could be said about the “other woman” as well.

Guy 5: I think the idea of “if he/she did it to get with you, they’ll do it again with someone else” is a bit overblown. It completely ignores our potential for mistakes and growth. However, if there is a clear pattern of behavior, you are clearly taking a risk believing you’re the one to make this person change their ways. So, to answer the question, no, its not a deal breaker. It is, however, something to take note of.

Guy 6: It’s not my ideal woman to pursue, however, I realize people can change. But it depends on how remorseful and accountable she is. The other woman isn’t so much of a problem, unless she settles for being that. IF she’s unaware I can’t really have too much to say.

Guy 8: This isn’t a concrete deal breaker because I try not to judge people on their past. However, if I were sleeping with a woman while she was in a relationship, I probably would be hesitant to get into a serious relationship with her, even if she broke it off with the other guy. That’s only because I was directly involved with her cheating and I’d have trouble trusting that she wouldn’t do the same thing to me.

Guy 9: I do think cheating when you’re young is one thing. Cheating in a little High School romance I’d hardly count. However, at this age if a woman tells me she previously cheated on someone before dating me, we won’t work. That thought will always be in the back of my mind.  Sometimes women become the “other women” because they simply don’t know the truth. I can’t fault anybody for their actions if they aren’t aware of everything. Now if she is the “other woman” because she willingly chooses to be then that is something I would question. Breaking up homes on purpose isn’t a badge of honor.


 

Do you believe all men cheat?

Guy 1: I don’t believe all men cheat; that’s a myth that some hurt mofo’s made in their circle of misery.

Guy 2: No, I don’t believe all men cheat. There are definitely mature and loyal ones out there who are great partners. Finding them is another story.

Guy 3: No, I do not.

Guy 4: Do all men cheat? Of course not. I feel like it would be preposterous to the that an entire species would be incapable of honoring the trust and loyalty of their partner. We may all think about it or consider though. Life.

Guy 5: Nope. Only lonely people who consistently make bad decisions truly believe this.

Guy 6: No.

Guy 8: No, absolutely not.

Guy 9: Contrary to popular belief, I don’t believe all men cheat. There are a lot of men that are never presented with the opportunity or even possess the ability to finesse another woman other than the one he has. However, I do believe that all men are tempted to cheat. Whatever resolve that man needs to find in order to conquer that demon speaks of his character. For those that do give into temptation, just hope your decision was worth it, playa.

Xoxo,
Tyece & The Male Think Tank

Part 1: The Male Think Tank Tackles Cheating

April 16, 2015

Part 1 cheating post

Editor’s Note: This post took me awhile to approach the Male Think Tank about. Last year a reader asked the guys to tackle cheating, and it wasn’t a subject I was comfortable opening up to either them or the blog. But, I guess some things change. We approached this post less from a place of inciting judgment about their own personal experiences with the topic and with broader questions. In other words, I did not ask any of them to openly admit to cheating nor being cheated on.

There were times when assembling this post that I cringed, times when I laughed, times when I completely agreed and others when I completely disagreed. So take what you like, toss what you don’t. I appreciate each of these guys for being honest and open.

Mimosas and Men eventAnd don’t forget! The Male Think Tank will have its first event, Mimosas and Men, this Sunday in NYC. The event is sold out, but if you have any questions you would like us to ask at the event, you can submit them anonymously here!

Why do you think men cheat?

Guy 1: I think men cheat for a caveat of reasons. I would say that there’s an excitement in cheating even though it’s wrong. It’s like exploring the unknown and hoping you don’t get caught while doing it. Stressful, but it seems exciting too. Men also cheat because some (a lot) of dudes like the thrill of the chase. Lastly, men cheat cause new sex is ALWAYS appealing just cause it’s new.

Guy 2: I’m going to combine questions 1 & 2, because at its core, I don’t see a difference in cheating between men and women. I’ll assume we mean cheating when there’s a serious relationship involved. I think people cheat because they’re unhappy and weak. I don’t think either part is surprising, although the “weak” part is a word that may not often be used here.

The unhappy part could be from many many reasons: the passion is gone, their partner is no longer attentive, everything is on auto pilot, there’s a lack of communication, etc.

The weak part is the act of cheating itself. It takes a very immature and weak person to perform the act of cheating. You’re knowingly hurting the other person in the relationship.

Guy 3: Cheating in general is a lot like crime. Some crimes are premeditated with malice aforethought, others are of passion or opportunity. I think men and women cheat for different reasons, but it all boils down to a lack of respect for the other person. If you truly love somebody, the last thing you want to do is cause that person harm.

Guy 4: Men cheat because its fun. Don’t get me twisted though. It is wrong to violate someones trust. It is wrong to lie to somebody about your actions. It is wrong go back on your promises. As with many things that are wrong to do and possess these characteristics, cheating still remains fun. And when I say “fun”, I do not mean “Carnival/Theme Park” Fun, I mean it’s a “Rush/Drug” type feeling that I think Men can get out of it. We know its wrong, but still do it any way. Life.

Guy 5: Put simply, men think with their smaller brains. It seems impossible to many women that someone could have sex based solely on physical attraction, and no emotional attachment, but men do it every day. Sometimes while in relationships…

Guy 6: I believe men, at least when I cheated, do it for convenience. It was not that I didn’t want the love that I had. It’s just that she was lacking a component that I needed at that time which was support. I met another woman who had those components, in which I didn’t pursue. It started with a convo, and just went from there. However, I was too emotionally attached (in love) to leave my original woman. So for some I believe that’s the case, however I do know for others it’s pure greed.

Guy 8: I don’t think there’s a specific reason. It could be any number of reasons.

Guy 9: Men tend to really be drawn to physical qualities. It is very easy to look past all the other qualities that contribute overall to who and what a person is. Put a man in the “right” environment and add the “right” woman to the mix, there is a good chance he may cheat if everything isn’t right at home (She nags too much, highly insecure, argumentative/fighting excessively , etc..). From the majority of stories I’ve heard, it starts with physical attraction. All the other factors at home make it easier for a man to commit to cheating.


 

Why do you think women cheat?

Guy 1: Women’s reasons for cheating seem more tied to “emotions” than men, but as I’ve learned over the past few years, women have just as much “aint-shit-ness” as guys. I also think women cheat if they’re not getting the attention/affection that they want but they’re too scared or something to end a relationship themselves. I’m just speculating though.

Guy 4: If you let us men tell it, women cheat to send a message or as a form of retaliation. A woman cheating is a lot more calculated and premeditated than a man cheating. But again, that’s if you let us tell the story.

Guy 5: I honestly think this answer isn’t nearly as cut and dry, but that may be my male perspective getting the best of me. I think women usually cheat as a reaction of some sort, not “just because” like a man might. “He hasn’t been treating me as well as this new friend has been.” “He did, so I’m paying him back.” Just a few reasons that come to mind.

Guy 6: Same reason, I used to believe that due to my upbringing women were just greedy, and were out to hurt men. Like they got a thrill out of it. However, I believe the reasons can vary. I do believe women are less remorseful though.

Guy 9: Some women do operate like men, so they may cheat based on physical attraction. However, the majority of women operate differently than we do. It seems to me women cheat from lack of emotional/love from their partner. There is some disconnect that draws them to another individual who is providing them with that emotional stimulation. Nine out of ten times it boils down to the small things like listening, comfort, attention, etc… that may lead a woman to cheat. It definitely isn’t as trivial as physical attraction.


 

What in your mind constitutes cheating? Is there such a thing as emotional cheating?

Guy 1: Cheating is dating, Kissing, fucking/intending to do any of those while you’re with someone else. Yeah there’s such a thing as emotional cheating…if we’re in a relationship, don’t go confiding in another dude about things you won’t talk to me about/spend time more with a guy because you’re more drawn to him than me….that’s cheating too.

Guy 2: Cheating is giving yourself intimately to someone. Yes, I definitely think there’s emotional cheating. In fact, I believe emotional cheating is the majority of cheating at first. It’s rare for someone to cheat initially on physicality alone. That essentially means you’re either just doing a one night stand or getting a prostitute. The foundation of most cheating starts with emotional cheating. You don’t feel like you’re getting the support you need in a relationship, and you seek it elsewhere. Having someone else that listens to you, and cares for you is very comforting, and that’s how many cheating episodes occur.

Guy 3: Emotional cheating is very real. Cheating is acting in a manner towards another individual that your partner would disapprove of. A little flirting to get your way or a compliment to get out of a ticket, sure. You giving up the digits or visiting somebody at their home creates an opportunity for physical cheating.

Guy 4: I really only believe in cheating in the physical realm, as in I actually have to be in physical contact with another woman outside of my relationship. Other than that, I wouldn’t define it as cheating. I think I understand what is implied by emotional cheating, but that may mean someone is in a relationship wanting out, but not really pulling the trigger on leaving for whatever reason.

Guy 5: Anything that would upset you if your partner did it.

Guy 6: Basically anything that you know that your partner would not be cool with in regards to intimacy with another partner. I do believe that emotional cheating is the worst kind.

Guy 8: I only count cheating as getting physically involved with someone else (kissing, sex acts, etc.). I’ve never heard of emotional cheating. If that’s supposed to be like, flirting with someone or fantasizing about someone else, then no, that’s not cheating.

Guy 9: If you know your actions are questionable, it probably is cheating. If you take a second to think about if your significant other were doing the same thing, and it hurts or pisses you off, then you’re probably cheating. I do believe emotional cheating exists. When you start relying on someone else other than your partner for emotional support or attention/listening, you’ve exposed yourself to that individual. Emotional cheating is a slippery road that can very easily manifest into physical cheating.

In Part 2 of this series, the guys will discuss whether or not they believe a relationship can recover from cheating, if a woman who has previously cheated is a “deal breaker” and they’ll answer the age old debate…do all men cheat? Stay tuned for Part 2 tomorrow! But, for now, let us know what you think in the comments. Who do you agree with? Who do you disagree with? Do you believe men and women cheat for different reasons? Let us know!

Xoxo,
Tyece & The Male Think Tank