I Want It All And I Want It Now.

Wildflowers Unscripted Writing Challenge Day 25: My Vices

So I realize I have done an abysmal job of keeping up with the very writing challenge to which my blog’s name is attached. I suspected that would happen. But, I didn’t want the month to end without me at least trying one more time. Plus today’s topic fits pretty perfectly with where my mind is. So, there’s that.

“I love how you’re already planning another event before the first one is even done. Lmao.”

That’s what my best friend said today on Gchat when I explained that I had secured a venue for an upcoming DC Bloggers Brunch. (Get excited, DC people.) I’m three days away from what is the largest event I’ve done on behalf of Twenties Unscripted. And, what do I decide to do? Start planning another event.

In my mind, Saturday is done. At least all of the important details. Now we just have to get there and not royally screw up the entire thing. In my mind, I have done everything I had to do and now I just have to get there and see it come together. So, naturally, it’s time to start thinking about what is next.

Or is it?

My number one vice is that I am one very impatient being. It is that very vice that has me itching to get to the next event before I have even seen the fruits of my labor for this one pay off. In theory, I should be focused on what I’m performing on Saturday night and how much Chardonnay I’m going to consume after the night is over. In actuality, I’m now preoccupied with the next event.

My impatience has stung my relationships, punched my self-esteem and forced me to abandon shopping carts in stores where lines are too long. My impatience has caused me to snap at people and doubt myself when I don’t see something immediately pay off.

I want it all and I want it right now. I have always been that way. I want the world and everything that comes with it in sixty seconds or less. But, let me explain. Because, I think there are a lot of people who want the world and don’t want to work for it. You’ve read my stuff. You know I have less than an iota of respect for people who don’t work hard. So, I want to do the work. But, I’m still a product of the microwave generation where I think the ROI is supposed to be this immediate present that falls into my lap after I’ve done the work. And, life has this way of reminding me often that it does not just happen like that.

More often than I let on to others, I have giant and bone-crushing doubts about what I’m doing with this blog. Am I doing the right thing and why am I even doing any of it? What is the ultimate payoff? Those are the questions that tango around my brain and those are the questions I poured out to my best friend earlier today.

“If you enjoy what you’re doing right now, then it’s for the right reason,” she said as I spilled out my writer woes.

She’s right. Sometimes I forget that the reward of things isn’t always in the form of accolades or money or bylines. Sometimes, the reward of things is the very comfortable and content feeling I get from coming home every night and spilling out my thoughts. Sometimes the reward is knowing I have a space to always fall back on, whether my day is amazing or horrendous. Sometimes the reward is the very thing you have, not what you ever expect to yield from it.

I still want the world. I want the stars and the moon and the sky. There is a lot I want to do in this life. Maybe that’s why I’m impatient because I always know there is more I could accomplish, more I could see, more I could conquer. But, there isn’t a point in having the world if you can’t quiet your mind long enough to enjoy it.



Lena Dunham Looks Good In A Bikini And So Do The Rest Of Us

Wildflowers Unscripted Writing Challenge Day 18: My body

I realize this is the third blog post I’ve written with Lena Dunham’s name in the title so excuse me while I fangirl out for a bit.

You don’t have to be an avid viewer of “Girls” to know that Lena Dunham shows her bare body on the show quite a bit. If you are an avid viewer, however, you know that in the latest episode, Dunham spent about 90% of it clad in a bright green bikini and not much else. People have a lot to say about this woman’s body. But bodies are not political statements. They are very personal storehouses. And, that’s all I want to say before I dive in to talking about my own body.

There are certain inevitable truths we have to accept in life. One of the truths I have had to accept after 24 years on this planet is that my ass will never reach the appropriate level of curvature to qualify as a great ass. I know. It’s a difficult fact to stomach. But, I think I have finally reached the final stage of grief and accepted my very narrow ass.

That doesn’t stop me from spending every night dancing in front of the mirror in my underwear. I shower at night and as I get ready to do that, I blast music. Sometimes it’s J. Cole. Other times it’s Taylor Swift. Maybe it’s Mobb Deep or Adele. It doesn’t really matter. But, it’s one of my favorite parts of the day. Me in the mirror with my god awful dance moves and my narrow ass just dancing away.

I don’t think you can talk about your body without making light of it. Because I don’t think you can take your body that damn seriously. We exist in a world that already does enough to police how we fucking use our bodies, who we decide to let touch them and how we choose to adorn them. The world already takes our bodies way too seriously. It’s a sin for us to do the same.

Accepting our bodies is an ongoing, uphill, non-stop kind of battle. At least for women. Some days you wake up and you’re bloated. Some days it feels like nothing fits. Some days you feel hot and some days you feel, well, not. There’s hardly ever any consistency in our feelings about our bodies. We want rounder butts, flatter stomachs, slimmer thighs, bigger boobs. And, while the science of Spanx and the redemption of an ASOS bodycon dress can help us along the way, the skin we are in is pretty much there to stay. It may change. It may stretch. It may shrink. But, it is still there.

A beautiful body is one that is completely accepted by its inhabitant. That’s why Lena Dunham looks good in a bikini; the mere fact that she’s not afraid to put it on is enough. It’s nice when other people like our bodies or when they want to cuddle up next to them in the middle of the night. But those things don’t really count for shit if we don’t love that same body. I know; I sound like a walking ad for a Kotex commercial.  But, trust me on this one. It’s your skin. Those are your limbs. It’s your place laced with your scars and coated in your memories. It is your body. Believe in it or doubt it. Appreciate it or analyze it.  Let people do whatever they want with it, say whatever they want about it or choose to own it and all of the rhetoric about it. This is your body. It’s not going anywhere. Love it or hate it. But loving it makes this life so much easier.



It’s Time To Stop Hating On Valentine’s Day.

Wildflowers Unscripted Writing Challenge Day 14: Valentine’s Day

First things first: Happy Valentine’s Day.

There’s always a lot of pressure for a holiday blog post. As holidays such as New Year’s Eve or Valentine’s Day start crawling up on me, I begin throwing around ideas until I land on my angle. It’s hard to cut through the Internet noise on days like today, so here goes my most valiant effort.

Everyone has an opinion about Valentine’s Day. They love it. They hate it. They are vocally indifferent about it (which I find a bit ironic, but that’s neither here nor there.) I have experienced that entire range of feelings when it comes to this day. This year, I’ve landed on loving it. Ok, love is a strong word. Perhaps it’s more like this year I’ve landed on not vehemently hating it as much as I once did. This year, I got invited to a friend’s dinner party and also plan to hit up a poetry slam after that. I have plans and even though they don’t involve a member of the opposite sex, I’m still looking forward to them.

I’m not sure how much your relationship status should determine how you feel about this day. I’ve had really shitty Valentine’s Days while single. Let’s have a brief moment of silence for the year I got sexiled from my dorm room. I’ve also had really shitty Valentine’s Days when I was in a relationship. Let us not forget the year my ex and I sat in a Starbucks arguing while he told me that I “couldn’t blame PMS on why I was acting that way.” Memories, like the corners of my mind.

Either way, I think for those who do actively hate this day, give it up. Stop hating. Let it be a good day or let it be just another day. But, why let it be a day that you so vehemently hate? If one day in the calendar year makes you feel so horrendous about being single, I would venture to guess there are so many other days in the year that make you feel the exact same way. Because it’s not the days; it’s you and your tiny beating heart that choose to feel that way. And, if there is anything life has taught me as of late, it is that how we react and how we behave is pretty much the only thing we can control. How you react to this day is within your full range of control. But, choosing to hate it just seems like such a waste of energy.

No matter your relationship status, you are no less or no more on this day. You are alive. Somewhere in your life, yes, there is love. That is much more than enough.



Best Friends: The Same, But Different

Guest Post from Kerin Miller

Wildflowers Unscripted Writing Challenge Day 13: How my friends/fam would describe me

I could give you my best guess for today’s topic. Instead, I reached out to my best friend when I saw this as a writing challenge topic and asked if she would write today’s post. So, here it is–my best friend’s take on how she would describe me.

When Ty asked me to guest blog for her, the last topic I imagined to write on would be, well, Ty.

Our friendship began when we met way back in the sixth grade when I was the kid in tan overalls who started school two weeks late. Since then we have laughed, battled and grown through high school, college and the beginning of adulthood together. There are few memories of mine that do not include her in them.

August 2013
August 2013

As best friends, we have gone from being the same person to two completely different individuals. She is the stability to my with-the-wind personality. I’m the one who tends to act and then think later, while she will more likely already have a plan in action. In that sense, we balance each other.

Like any other relationship, we’ve learned to work through our strengths and weaknesses. This more laidback “do-what-you-want” Tyece has graciously replaced the “judge-now-ask-questions-later” version. With that said, I admire how much she has grown to be more accepting and a less judgmental person.

But if there was one thing I could change about Ty, it would be for her to be easier on herself. She sets all these expectations for herself, which any hard-working person should do, but sometimes things just don’t work out, and I often see how difficult that can be for her to accept.

As a whole, my best friend has grown so much into the powerhouse her graduation cap called into action three years ago, and I’m glad I’ve been able to witness it. Her ability to set a goal and get it done is something I look up to because Lord knows it’s something I struggle with.

I think that’s why we appreciate our friendship so much; things we are not good at we tend to pull from the other.  Well that and our knack for sitting on a couch for hours watching Sex and the City.

To The Woman Who Helped Make My Showcase A Reality

Wildflowers Unscripted Writing Challenge Day 12: Praise a person

ssf-invitation-webfinalToday the showcase that I have been planning since December sold out. It was sort of a surreal feeling given that when I booked the venue a few months ago, I lost sleep over whether or not I would even be able to put a show together. I didn’t know if anyone would be interested in showcasing their work. I charged $5.00 for the tickets because I was so worried that people would not come, so I didn’t want price to be an issue. Then, over the past few weeks, I saw the amount of available tickets go from 60 to 30 to 11 and then to 1.

Today was a good day.

And today’s writing challenge topic is fitting because all of the effort behind this showcase comes from so many people. The person who sticks out most in my mind is my friend Kalani who has done all of the graphic design for the show–the original call for artists, the showcase invitations and the program for that night. She was one of the first people I talked to when I came up with this idea last summer. It didn’t quite work back then which only increased my anxiety about trying it once more.

I won’t deny that I can be a bit of a Nazi to work with. I send a lot of emails, I always have edits and I can be a manic perfectionist. I expect a lot from people because that is the standard I hold myself to. Do it right or don’t even bother doing it. Kalani has witnessed all of this and has still done a kickass job. An idea is usually just an idea until someone puts some creative thought behind it and makes it visual. Visuals make it real. She made the vision for this showcase real. She gave it a look and feel. She gave it a design so we could promote it. And, now it’s fucking sold out.

One of my favorite quotes is the sentence, “Praise the bridge that carried you over.” Praise the bridge. Praise the people. Praise it all. So many of my friends have stood behind me and this blog. No one has to believe in you or anything that you do. But, when people back you up and support your work, it’s an incredible thing. I am a manic perfectionist when it comes to Twenties Unscripted because it is such a huge part of who I am. In about two short years, I have put an investment in this space. I put my heart into this space. I put my soul into this space. I put my thoughts and my time into this space.

I am always, always, always thinking about this blog and this brand. And, sometimes I even hate calling it a “brand” because this isn’t Ralph Lauren or some shit like that. But, I do believe this has become more than a blog and I truly don’t think I could say that if I didn’t have the solid support of so many of my friends. Graphic designing is not my talent. Photography is not my talent. Hell, event planning is not my talent. Writing is my happy place. Everything else only comes together with the help of so many people behind me.

I thought I would wait until showcase night to shower Kalani with accolades, but, if you are reading this, thank you. Thank you for helping to make this crazy idea/dream of a showcase actually happen. Thank you for loving this idea even last summer when I didn’t know what the hell I was getting myself into. Thank you for dealing with my many emails and then subsequent gchat messages when I got too anxious. But, above all, thank you for having faith in this very infant brand. Hopefully I get a sweet book deal one day and can look out for you. If not, there’s always monopoly money.