Guest Writers Week: Exes: Is It Comfort Or Are Soul Mates Real?

November 8, 2013

By: Alli Griffin

What are the consequences of getting back with an ex? I see people do it all the time. I’ve been the person who rolls my eyes behind their back and says, “It was over the first time for a reason!” But I don’t know that reason. There are so many reasons why people break up, good or bad, immature or mature, life-changing, heart-breaking, or otherwise. I watched my friend torment himself going on again off again for years with someone who was never going to change. His boyfriend was way too young and just not ready to settle down. And I got to hear mom’s side of everything, how she felt really felt about his ex. I’ve even seen parents get back together post divorce. Is it comfort or are soul mates real?

That’s the big question you have to ask when considering getting back with an ex. Do you really, truly love them or is it because this person was your moon and stars for however long and they’re comfortable? They laugh at your dumb jokes, will put your favorite band on in the car, already knows your order at your favorite restaurant, and you have great sex. Loneliness and sex are the two main reasons people hang out with exes if you’re break up was not a mistake and it’s actually true love. You have to think of the end results of your decisions. If you decide to try again and the second time doesn’t work, this is not the person you were meant to spend your elder years with, then how much more does it hurt to open up old wounds and rub some salt in there? Can you handle that heart break again? Less selfishly, how does it affect the other people in your life?

No matter how much we want to believe, especially at the beginning of a relationship, the couple is not an island. Eventually, you have to leave your cocoon and meet the friends, the coworkers, the parents and siblings, then the aunts and uncles and cousins, and the grandparents, the family friends, the extension of the people who have been in your life longer than the new love interest. The people closest to you are affected when there’s a break up. You’ve accepted the other half of this person into your life and now they’re gone. If you want to let them back in your life how do the other people recover? We all know the judgey looks and comments you give when a friend says they’re hanging out with an ex. We’ve given them and received them and even hidden from them by not telling anyone you’ve sent a nostalgic text to your ex.

If someone wants to get back together with their ex or be friends with their ex, who am I to judge? No one because now I find myself stuck wondering, how do you make it work a second time around?

“Alli is a 25-year-old Nurtitional Science major with a passion for writing fiction and occasional real life rants. Follow her at @confidentlylost.”

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