By De’Nita Moss
As women, we are always wanting. We are expected to want all things and to do all things well. Is our wanting really or ever our own?
I’ve wanted what I’ve seen others have because it seems right, common and attainable. I’ve made my own mistakes and I wonder if any other woman wants to hold them as her own. We want what we’ve been taught to have: higher education, home ownership, a man (marriage, ideally), money (investments), a family, a current car, great friends, etc. What happens, however, when we don’t have or won’t ever attain some of these things?
We become and are, women in waiting.
What do we do with the delays between aspiring and attaining a thing? We have several options. We can sit and cower in pity. We can internalize what can be interpreted as a lack of something. We can try harder to have what isn’t for us for the sake of just having something. We can find our way to ourselves as all other paths have led us astray. Opposing these, we can have our own desires and affirm them in our actions. We don’t have to accept what others want for themselves or for us. We can change the temptation to have what is common and attainable in order to trust in what’s true for us and our own desires. It’s okay to want what’s different and to journey toward whatever we’re after. What is true for you? What gives you satisfaction? If doing what has been done is satisfying for you, do that, but don’t feel less than if that isn’t what awakens you with excitement.
As I’ve struggled with understanding the significance of earning a degree, as it relates to honest satisfaction for me, I’ve fallen behind. I’ve had friends graduate twice over and parts of me quake in the desire for such an accomplishment to matter more to me than it truly does. My waiting extends beyond academia; I haven’t been employed for years. I’ve felt overwhelmed in lack. I’ve felt like my turn is never coming. I’ve felt that my waiting is a position I forced on myself, a place of fading. But our positions in waiting gives us the opportunity to watch others win. Bearing witness to those wins empowers us to keep going and not forfeit finding what fulfills us.
Once we identify what satisfies us, our seasons of waiting become necessary signs that we are making progress because we haven’t lost our place; timing is everything. We didn’t give up, even if we stopped believing in ourselves, somewhere along the way. Our waiting isn’t an eternal withholding. We are not waiting without work or worth. We will win what we are after when we are ready. We are all on such beautiful journeys to fulfillment. Women in waiting, we can combat withering and fading out of our distinctness by honoring what we know truly satisfies us.
Let us be reminded that all of what we endure, even our waiting, prepares us for having and helping others have what is fulfilling. We are all worthy of having, even after we’ve waited for a while. Be encouraged to survive the waiting out. Don’t give up even if waiting makes you weary. When we win, we will understand the necessity of our waiting.
De’Nita Moss is a woman who is still trying to figure herself out. Her undergraduate degree in Religion from Rutgers University is currently in progress. She occasionally pens a blog, www.trinityizreal.wordpress.com, that expresses her thoughts on scripture, relationships and love. She is an author of two books of poetry and enjoys photography, good food & good music. Connect with De’Nita on Twitter @trinityizreal.