Someone Should’ve Told Me

July 14, 2014

Guest Post by Erica Nichole

Late last month, I attended an event catered to Mommies, focusing on a topic I loathe –body image. The moderator asked the panelists what was one thing they wished they would’ve known or wish someone would have told you about the body during pregnancy and post-baby. The answers varied: I wish someone would’ve told me that my breasts would drop to my belly, I wish someone would’ve educated me on the side effects of getting an epidural, etc., etc.

You ever catch yourself hearing something but not fully listening to the sounds and voices around you? I sat there and found myself in a daze, and drifting off into la-la-land usually results in a lightbulb emoji over my head which in turn results in a future blog post. A part of the question stuck with me harder than the responses themselves and so I thought,

What is something you wish someone would’ve told you about your twenties?

I’m only twenty-seven, with only 33 months remaining, God willing, until “I’m in my prime.” I was once the young woman who dreaded getting older and hitting another milestone because my bucket list grew and yet, I still had things left unmarked and incomplete. Then I came to terms with the fact that well, life is going to go on, with or without you and if it’s meant to be, it’s going to be and if it didn’t happen yet, it doesn’t mean it won’t ever happen at all. So I’m comfortable where I’m at in this moment, as a woman, a mother and someone’s partner.

But…

Here are 20 things I wish someone schooled me on before life taught me the hard way.

1) You are going to get your heart broken and there’s nothing you can do about it. We don’t know what it is we deserve and we’ll never know when “enough’s enough” until that moment comes when you’ve given your all and you see you still couldn’t save a relationship that really wasn’t meant to be. The whole ‘kiss a few frogs to find a prince theory is valid, ladies and gentlemen.

2) You don’t have the answers. Yes, I was that teenager that swore up and down I knew it all but life has a way of humbling you and sitting you down at a (job) desk to let you know, there’s still a lot left to learn, youngin’. You’ll always be a student.

3) Cherish every second with your loved ones. A friend of mine passed away two weeks before my 25th birthday and a month after I saw him. We make plans with people as if tomorrow is promised but people come and go, every. single. day.

4) Some things are not what they seem. Don’t be fooled by the façade and never covet what someone else has because you don’t know how they got it and you never know what’s happening behind closed doors.

5) There are some things that you think are important, that aren’t. Sure it’s nice to look fly all the time because if you look good, you feel good, but it’s better to have a roof over your head and food on your table. There is so much importance in what you consider a priority.

6) When your world gets bigger, the people in it get smaller. When you start coming into who you are, you start to see others for who they are. You’ll grow as a person and you’ll outgrow others. Shit happens and a shift happens.

7) Leave Blowing Money Fast as just a song. Please use your income tax money the right way. Saving money for a rainy day is really important and if your credit score isn’t important to you now, it will be when you’re trying to buy a home. I’m currently learning this and sometimes, I side-eye myself about it.

8) Wholehearted outweighs the half-ass. If your name is on something, you should want to do it all the way or not at all. When your time expires on Earth, will you be remembered for giving things everything you got or just a part of who you are? Even when I’ve failed, it always felt good to know that I went all out.

9) Purpose: Everyone has one. Some people “knew it all along” and others end up doing the very opposite of what it is they thought they would. College graduate or college dropout, whichever your route, know that what you’re called to do, will find its way to you.

10) You came into this world by yourself, you’ll have to be by yourself. I’m a people hoarder –it’s hard for me to let go, but amazing things happen when you can free yourself of others company and opinions and spend time alone to learn the ins and outs of you that no one else can ever help you with it.

11) Work when you have to, relax when you need to. In the first half of my twenties, I’m pretty sure I was a robot. All I knew was work and vacation was an imaginary word I knew nothing of, but your body has a way of shutting down even when your mind still wants to run the race. Find your chill and take care of yourself. How do you practice self-care?

12) Forgiveness is freedom. As a child we’re taught to apologize to others for wrong doings, but as an adult, this is about forgiving yourself of guilt trips and mistakes —that we all make.

13) Step outside of your comfort zone. Two quotes I love, “Some find comfort in routine. I think it’s a cancer to your soul” & “People complain you changed like you worked this hard to stay the same.”

14) Your location is not your destination.

15) You can do a lot with very little. When I had kids I saw what my mother was talking about with “stretching money.”When I wanted to go out and couldn’t decide on a outfit, a simple black dress and a red lip always worked wonders.

16) Sometimes you need a non-negotiable attitude.

17) Everybody got something to say, but… You can’t speak out what you don’t have on the inside.

18) Stay hungry. Someone is always aiming for your spot but instead of competing with others try to “one-up” yourself.

19) You’re already equipped and wired with what you need in life.

20) Intuition is real. The most important voice you’ll hear, the most powerful advice you’ll ever receive, is from the one that lives within.

There’s so much left to learn. Continue to grow Twenties Unscripted.

–Happy Birthday

Erica’s the writer of her blog, Everything EnJ where the mantra is, the highs and the lows, spotlighting the beautiful moments & the blows, raw & honest, NSFW & maybe even your soul. Enter at your own risk but be prepared to leave with a part of the writer. Find 140 characters of nonsense @KaeNdKamsMom.

3 thoughts on “Someone Should’ve Told Me

  1. Dana

    ESPECIALLY number 7. If I’d always acted the same way with my money that I do now, I’d be s-s-s-set. It angers me to think of it, lol.

    Reply
  2. Chymere Anais

    I need a print-out of these points. I read it to my mom and she says “Even if someone told her, she wouldn’t listen”, partially shading me, of course, and partially making total sense, as usual, lol. She implied that basically sometimes you have to learn the hard way, tis is life.

    Reply
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