Editor’s Note: This post took me awhile to approach the Male Think Tank about. Last year a reader asked the guys to tackle cheating, and it wasn’t a subject I was comfortable opening up to either them or the blog. But, I guess some things change. We approached this post less from a place of inciting judgment about their own personal experiences with the topic and with broader questions. In other words, I did not ask any of them to openly admit to cheating nor being cheated on.
There were times when assembling this post that I cringed, times when I laughed, times when I completely agreed and others when I completely disagreed. So take what you like, toss what you don’t. I appreciate each of these guys for being honest and open.
And don’t forget! The Male Think Tank will have its first event, Mimosas and Men, this Sunday in NYC. The event is sold out, but if you have any questions you would like us to ask at the event, you can submit them anonymously here!
Why do you think men cheat?
Guy 1: I think men cheat for a caveat of reasons. I would say that there’s an excitement in cheating even though it’s wrong. It’s like exploring the unknown and hoping you don’t get caught while doing it. Stressful, but it seems exciting too. Men also cheat because some (a lot) of dudes like the thrill of the chase. Lastly, men cheat cause new sex is ALWAYS appealing just cause it’s new.
Guy 2: I’m going to combine questions 1 & 2, because at its core, I don’t see a difference in cheating between men and women. I’ll assume we mean cheating when there’s a serious relationship involved. I think people cheat because they’re unhappy and weak. I don’t think either part is surprising, although the “weak” part is a word that may not often be used here.
The unhappy part could be from many many reasons: the passion is gone, their partner is no longer attentive, everything is on auto pilot, there’s a lack of communication, etc.
The weak part is the act of cheating itself. It takes a very immature and weak person to perform the act of cheating. You’re knowingly hurting the other person in the relationship.
Guy 3: Cheating in general is a lot like crime. Some crimes are premeditated with malice aforethought, others are of passion or opportunity. I think men and women cheat for different reasons, but it all boils down to a lack of respect for the other person. If you truly love somebody, the last thing you want to do is cause that person harm.
Guy 4: Men cheat because its fun. Don’t get me twisted though. It is wrong to violate someones trust. It is wrong to lie to somebody about your actions. It is wrong go back on your promises. As with many things that are wrong to do and possess these characteristics, cheating still remains fun. And when I say “fun”, I do not mean “Carnival/Theme Park” Fun, I mean it’s a “Rush/Drug” type feeling that I think Men can get out of it. We know its wrong, but still do it any way. Life.
Guy 5: Put simply, men think with their smaller brains. It seems impossible to many women that someone could have sex based solely on physical attraction, and no emotional attachment, but men do it every day. Sometimes while in relationships…
Guy 6: I believe men, at least when I cheated, do it for convenience. It was not that I didn’t want the love that I had. It’s just that she was lacking a component that I needed at that time which was support. I met another woman who had those components, in which I didn’t pursue. It started with a convo, and just went from there. However, I was too emotionally attached (in love) to leave my original woman. So for some I believe that’s the case, however I do know for others it’s pure greed.
Guy 8: I don’t think there’s a specific reason. It could be any number of reasons.
Guy 9: Men tend to really be drawn to physical qualities. It is very easy to look past all the other qualities that contribute overall to who and what a person is. Put a man in the “right” environment and add the “right” woman to the mix, there is a good chance he may cheat if everything isn’t right at home (She nags too much, highly insecure, argumentative/fighting excessively , etc..). From the majority of stories I’ve heard, it starts with physical attraction. All the other factors at home make it easier for a man to commit to cheating.
Why do you think women cheat?
Guy 1: Women’s reasons for cheating seem more tied to “emotions” than men, but as I’ve learned over the past few years, women have just as much “aint-shit-ness” as guys. I also think women cheat if they’re not getting the attention/affection that they want but they’re too scared or something to end a relationship themselves. I’m just speculating though.
Guy 4: If you let us men tell it, women cheat to send a message or as a form of retaliation. A woman cheating is a lot more calculated and premeditated than a man cheating. But again, that’s if you let us tell the story.
Guy 5: I honestly think this answer isn’t nearly as cut and dry, but that may be my male perspective getting the best of me. I think women usually cheat as a reaction of some sort, not “just because” like a man might. “He hasn’t been treating me as well as this new friend has been.” “He did, so I’m paying him back.” Just a few reasons that come to mind.
Guy 6: Same reason, I used to believe that due to my upbringing women were just greedy, and were out to hurt men. Like they got a thrill out of it. However, I believe the reasons can vary. I do believe women are less remorseful though.
Guy 9: Some women do operate like men, so they may cheat based on physical attraction. However, the majority of women operate differently than we do. It seems to me women cheat from lack of emotional/love from their partner. There is some disconnect that draws them to another individual who is providing them with that emotional stimulation. Nine out of ten times it boils down to the small things like listening, comfort, attention, etc… that may lead a woman to cheat. It definitely isn’t as trivial as physical attraction.
What in your mind constitutes cheating? Is there such a thing as emotional cheating?
Guy 1: Cheating is dating, Kissing, fucking/intending to do any of those while you’re with someone else. Yeah there’s such a thing as emotional cheating…if we’re in a relationship, don’t go confiding in another dude about things you won’t talk to me about/spend time more with a guy because you’re more drawn to him than me….that’s cheating too.
Guy 2: Cheating is giving yourself intimately to someone. Yes, I definitely think there’s emotional cheating. In fact, I believe emotional cheating is the majority of cheating at first. It’s rare for someone to cheat initially on physicality alone. That essentially means you’re either just doing a one night stand or getting a prostitute. The foundation of most cheating starts with emotional cheating. You don’t feel like you’re getting the support you need in a relationship, and you seek it elsewhere. Having someone else that listens to you, and cares for you is very comforting, and that’s how many cheating episodes occur.
Guy 3: Emotional cheating is very real. Cheating is acting in a manner towards another individual that your partner would disapprove of. A little flirting to get your way or a compliment to get out of a ticket, sure. You giving up the digits or visiting somebody at their home creates an opportunity for physical cheating.
Guy 4: I really only believe in cheating in the physical realm, as in I actually have to be in physical contact with another woman outside of my relationship. Other than that, I wouldn’t define it as cheating. I think I understand what is implied by emotional cheating, but that may mean someone is in a relationship wanting out, but not really pulling the trigger on leaving for whatever reason.
Guy 5: Anything that would upset you if your partner did it.
Guy 6: Basically anything that you know that your partner would not be cool with in regards to intimacy with another partner. I do believe that emotional cheating is the worst kind.
Guy 8: I only count cheating as getting physically involved with someone else (kissing, sex acts, etc.). I’ve never heard of emotional cheating. If that’s supposed to be like, flirting with someone or fantasizing about someone else, then no, that’s not cheating.
Guy 9: If you know your actions are questionable, it probably is cheating. If you take a second to think about if your significant other were doing the same thing, and it hurts or pisses you off, then you’re probably cheating. I do believe emotional cheating exists. When you start relying on someone else other than your partner for emotional support or attention/listening, you’ve exposed yourself to that individual. Emotional cheating is a slippery road that can very easily manifest into physical cheating.
In Part 2 of this series, the guys will discuss whether or not they believe a relationship can recover from cheating, if a woman who has previously cheated is a “deal breaker” and they’ll answer the age old debate…do all men cheat? Stay tuned for Part 2 tomorrow! But, for now, let us know what you think in the comments. Who do you agree with? Who do you disagree with? Do you believe men and women cheat for different reasons? Let us know!
Tyece & The Male Think Tank