Today, I had two separate conversations about relationships, both in the vein of discussing closure. A friend of mine made the point that we’ve all dated people who show you just how great things with them could be if they were able to fully get over their ex. You get this glimpse of how amazing the potential partnership would be and then you’re sucker-punched by all the baggage the person is still carrying.
It was a spot-on observation. One I hadn’t ever considered.
I get it. I’ve publicly denounced “closure” on this very blog. Rule one of writing is to call yourself out on your bullshit before anyone else can. So, there we go.
But, closure is sold to us in all of the wrong ways. It’s presented as some come-to-Jesus moment where we sit in a swanky coffee shop with our ex, have a mature conversation and find that our feelings are reciprocated. Closure is shown as some simple interaction tied with a red bow. We talk. We laugh. We verbally exorcise our remaining demons. And, then we walk away and every unresolved feeling finally has some real estate in which to live.
But, this is life, not a rom com. So, it is messy and incomplete and unpredictable. Therefore, no one in the history of relationships ever had an episode of closure like the aforementioned one.
Ironically enough, relationship closure rarely involves the other person we dated. When relationships end, there is a gradual process of accepting that the ties may remain frayed. Welcome to real life; sometimes, it sucks. Closure, if such a thing even exists, is something that takes place all within our own little bodies and over analytical little brains. It’s something that happens due to a unique blend of time and revelation. It’s just as much about the minutes and days that pass as it is about getting ourselves lifted from the defunct mode of thinking we had in that relationship. But, time does a lot of the work. That’s the beauty of the situation a year later and the sting of it a day after. We are fragile beings born at the mercy of time.
But, yes, we need the closure. We need to come to terms with things, even the shitholes we step in along the way. Because, we’ll probably miss out on a lot that comes our way in life if we don’t. That doesn’t just mean the people, but it encompasses all the other parts of a noun as well. The places. The things. We teeter the line of our past and our promising future when we refuse to let go. Things could be so good, great, beautiful, if only we would let the chapters close.