The Male Think Tank Talks Valentine’s Day Pt. 2

MTT Vday pt 2

The Twenties Unscripted Male Think Tank is a select group of men (aka my friends) who anonymously provide their thoughts on select topics once a month on the blog. Their first post for this year focuses on a day everyone loves to discuss and dissect–Valentine’s Day.

Each guy has a designated number to identify them in posts. The group has expanded since it started, so our Valentine’s Day post is split into two parts–Guys 1-5 for Part 1 and Guys 6-10 for Part 2. (Guy 8 bowed out of this post and Guy 10 responded to just a few of the questions). Enjoy.

Do you believe in making plans with a significant other for Valentine’s Day? Why/why not? 

Guy 6: Yes I definitely believe in making plans, just a special day, I would show it through out the year, but lets do tradition and make it more special.

Guy 7: I think you should always do something with your significant other on Valentine’s Day. The scope of those plans can range widely from home-cooked meal to 5-star dining to heart-shaped hot tub. The key thing is that you should spend it together doing something you enjoy.

Guy 9 (new addition!): Making plans for Valentine’s Day is cool. Planning things together with a significant other is always a learning experience for both parties involved. Of course, you can always throw your own surprise in there to really show her you care.

How long do you think is an appropriate time to date someone before considering them for a Valentine’s Day gift or date?

Guy 6: That’s subjective, however, for me I can do it within the first month or etc. if the vibe is right. Chemistry knows no time.

Guy 7: I don’t think you have to wait very long to ask someone on a Valentine’s Day date. If you like the person, go for it! If you don’t know them all too well, perhaps hold off on a gift. But, from what I’ve learned, you can never go wrong with flowers.

Guy 9: Personally, if you want to give someone a gift for Valentine’s Day or take them on a date, I say go for it. We live under this facade that time determines when we should do certain things. However, time doesn’t guarantee that things will work or not. Life is short and we’re grown. Grow a pair.

Have you ever disappointed a woman on Valentine’s Day?

Guy 6: Yea, I have. I bought her roses, she was allergic. She wasn’t my girl though.

Guy 7: Probably, definitely.

Guy 9: I can’t say I’ve ever disappointed a woman on Valentine’s Day (at least that I know of). But, I’ve done the bare minimum before so I wouldn’t have to face the backlash. You know, the standard: roses, chocolates, and dinner. The cliché shit.

How do you think the majority of women view Valentine’s Day?

Guy 6: Most that I’ve experienced believe it’s only for women, and since you’re the man, you should just be happy to be in their presence. I know, I’m jaded. 🙁

Guy 7: I feel that the majority of women view Valentine’s Day as a concentrated day of romancing. They want a day straight from the scene of a rom-com. And you know what? I don’t blame them. Who wouldn’t!? Life gets busy and too frequently we get absorbed into things outside of our love lives. Having an annual day can potentially make up for some of this neglect. It’s a reminder to stop and think about how lucky you are to be with someone you care about.

Guy 9: It seems like the majority of women look forward to Valentine’s Day if they have someone special in their lives. Even if they don’t necessarily care for the Hallmark holiday. It’s a reason to dress up, be sexy, and spend some quality time with your significant other. (You gonna cater to me today, lol)

Guy 10 (new addition!) On Valentine’s Day I think women believe it is acceptable to become critics of what is or is not done on the holiday versus any other day. I seriously believe that women view this holiday to gauge how a relationship is. Honestly, the relationship does not necessarily have to be theirs but it can be a friend’s relationship as well. As women try to gauge and determine where a relationship maybe be headed they are actually judging and assuming with a heavy weight on what is done on February 14.

I recently had a debate with some friends about wearing lingerie on Valentine’s Day. Necessary or not?

Guy 6: If she does, that’s cool, but lingerie doesn’t really do it for me. A nice maxi dress around the house, or a cowl neck sweater dress will do though. Honestly I’m not picky.

Guy 7: Wearing lingerie on Valentine’s Day is by no means necessary. But I’m not going to stop her if she wants to.

Guy 9: Lingerie is nice, I think as men we aesthetically appreciate it. But overall, we don’t give a damn. Whether you wear lingerie or the same panties we’ve seen countless times…some of us will be taking them off regardless, others may not get the opportunity.

Your overall sentiments about Valentine’s Day?

Guy 6: I think it’s cool, enjoyable for those who truly partake in it, but don’t let it be the only day you use to show your significant other how much you appreciate him/her.

Guy 7: If we’re being honest, I think it’s a little lop-sided. I like making my significant other feel special, but I don’t believe that should be contained to just one day.  As guys, we don’t tend to put as much emphasis on Valentine’s Day itself. Sometimes we just don’t get excited about heart shapes, chocolate and a baby with wings. However, don’t let that fool you. It’s no indicator of how much we emphasize the importance of our significant other.

Guy 9: Valentine’s Day is just another day in my eyes. If you don’t treat your significant other like a queen 365 days of the year, then you are one of those guys that stresses over what you feel obligated to do on this day. You’ve missed your mark all year long. The day should just be a reminder to her why you are that guy, nothing more and nothing less. You win the race by consistently doing the little things and showing her that she is the creme de la creme. Grand gestures are great but they don’t make the woman fall in love with you. It’s the little things, my friends.

P.S. – Stop being so damn cheap.

Guy 10: Personally I believe Valentine’s Day to be somewhat of a forced holiday especially on men. Women love the holiday, while most men are subjected to indulge in it. The holiday changes much before a potential relationship and during a relationship. When you are trying to safely grow closer with a woman and this holiday is near, the pressure is on internally and externally. As a man if you do something on the holiday and you aren’t in a relationship, the anxiety has been raised whether the man likes it or not. The dynamic of the relationship has changed. When you are in a relationship anything done on this particular day is magnified to the woman and to her friends even if the man doesn’t believe it to be such an extensive act.

Xoxo,
Tyece & The second half of the Male Think Tank

The Male Think Tank Talks Valentine’s Day Pt. 1

The Twenties Unscripted Male Think Tank is a select group of men (aka my friends) who anonymously provide their thoughts on select topics once a month on the blog. Their first post for this year focuses on a day everyone loves to discuss and dissect–Valentine’s Day.

Each guy has a designated number to identify them in posts. The group has expanded since it started, so our Valentine’s Day post is split into two parts–Guys 1-5 for Part 1 and Guys 6-10 for Part 2. Enjoy.

Do you believe in making plans with a significant other for Valentine’s Day? Why/why not? 

Guy 1: Yes, I believe in making plans with a significant other on Valentine’s Day. I’d rather not deal with the headache of hearing her complain about a bad Valentine’s Day for 365 days. It’s also a day where you can just go out of your way to do something nice/romantic, so I guess that’s cool.

Guy 2: I’ve never believed in making plans for Valentine’s Day. I’ve never believed in having a holiday where you express love and care towards your partner. That should be everyday. And if you do need an actual day, that’s what an anniversary is for.

Guy 3: Absolutely. Even if they don’t particularly favor the holiday, you have to do something. If they appreciate you, they’ll appreciate the effort.

Guy 4: I think it is cool to set up a date and plans with your significant other for Valentine’s Day. If your relationship is genuine and honest, it should be nothing but a good time.

Guy 5: I see this as sort of a loaded question. Whether or not I view this “holiday” in the same light as the rest of society has little impact on if it’s celebrated or not. It comes down to the views of my significant other. With that being said, the main goal of any romantic relationship is the continued happiness of your partner. So unless it’s completely unreasonable, why not put in some effort, and plan something romantic? The holiday means there will be more options than usual for something intimate, and if we’re being honest, its a good way to rack up some brownie points for later.

How long do you think is an appropriate time to date someone before considering them for a Valentine’s Day gift or date?

Guy 1: I think you can give someone a Valentine’s Day gift if you just started dating them yesterday. It just shows that you have them in your thoughts. Now for a Valentine’s Day date I feel like that’s different. If I’m REALLY interested in you then I’m going to take you on a date that day no matter how long or short we’ve been dating. If I’m not that interested and I’m doing it as a nice gesture, then ehhh, we’d probably have to be dating for at least a month or so.

Guy 2: Since I don’t celebrate V-Day, I never give a gift.

Guy 3: Honestly, it can be as little as a few weeks, just get them something small. I’d say after 6-8 months, bring out the big guns.

Guy 4: I always play by the longer I have been dating you, the better your Valentine’s Day gift and date will be. If I’ve just started dating you, you probably will get a card, some chocolate, and maybe I’ll let you hold my Netflix password. If I’ve been dating you for a while, then I’ll act accordingly, and take you somewhere like a nice restaurant, or get a groupon for one of those cool activities. It’s hard to put an exact number of days or months on it, but I just do what I feel is right.

Guy 5: A Valentine’s Day gift can be anything, so I don’t think you can say there’s a time frame for gift giving. Met her a week ago (week ago)? Rite Aide has an aisle full of cheap chocolate. Long term baes obviously require some more thought and/or coins.

Have you ever disappointed a woman on Valentine’s Day?

Guy 1: Maaaaaannnn, yes I have. I’ve never thought of Valentine’s Day as a big deal, and some people really like this non-holiday for some reason. I just don’t prioritize as much as others when I have stuff to do. I’ve learned from the past mistakes though, so I put up with it and just deal and do what I have to do to make a significant other happy now.

Guy 2: I have never disappointed a woman on Valentine’s Day. If one ever were to be disappointed, that would be a red flag for me.

Guy 3: No, but I have been disappointed.

Guy 4: Yes, Yes I have. In my defense, things were kind of fuzzy and unclear with the lady at the time, so it was hard for me to try and figure out what to do. I did plan something, but I didn’t really carry it out all the way through. It was a good lesson for your boy though.

Guy 5: Lol, no. (gutter)

How do you think the majority of women view Valentine’s Day?

Guy 1: I think the majority of woman care too much about it. Way too much. If you don’t have a date, who cares? All those “lonely” posts come around during this time, but two weeks ago it wasn’t a big deal that you didn’t have a boyfriend or whatever. Valentine’s Day isn’t even that great of a “holiday”, you don’t get work or school off. Stop over-prioritizing it.

Guy 2: I honestly have no idea how the majority of women view V-Day. I would hope the majority don’t care about it.

Guy 3: The butt-hurt women probably view it as a holiday generated for revenue purposes, which may in fact be true. The non-butt-hurts probably just want something meaningful, regardless of cost. I’d say the general view of February the 14th is another day to show appreciation for your significant other.

Guy 4: I feel that most women just want to know that they are cared for, adored, and loved by somebody. It makes them feel all fuzzy inside and all the shit. Nothing wrong with that. I wish that it wasn’t painted as so much of an obligation for men though, rather than me doing something to show my appreciation.

Guy 5: I think the majority of women in a relationship just want tokens of appreciation. As men, we don’t always excel at reassuring our women of our love and commitment, so this is a time to calm any doubts. Some women will just need it for themselves, while others need it to show it off to everyone else.

I recently had a debate with some friends about wearing lingerie on Valentine’s Day. Necessary or not?

Guy 1: Yeah, lingerie is cool, I don’t need to give a specific reason why.

Guy 2: Lingerie is never necessary. You could wear an over-sized t shirt. We care about what’s inside that lingerie anyways.

Guy 3: Lingerie is cool, but so is hopping out of the shower to your woman being naked in the bed, ready. So, there’s that.

Guy 4: Personally, it’s not a necessity because we can come back to the crib after the date and I’ll go wash my hands or something, and then I come in the bedroom and shorty is wearing not a got damn thing. That’s cool to me, very cool. But if she wants to throw some nice lingerie on, I’m not gonna stop her.

Guy 5: Lingerie, no. Sex, yes.

Your overall sentiments about Valentine’s Day?

Guy 1: Valentine’s Day is a nice day. It’s a day where you can just do a little extra to show someone that they’re really important to you and that you appreciate them. With that being said, it’s a bit overrated and another way for hallmark to push their product. If you don’t have a Valentine, you’ll survive, but if you do, just do something nice/romantic for them on that day. Lets keep Valentine’s Day as simple as should it be.

Guy 2: N/A

Guy 3: I like doing things for those that I appreciate and care about. Valentine’s Day is another opportunity. My only issue is having it reciprocated. Ladies, BE ABOUT IT AS WELL.

Guy 4: Valentine’s Day is cool. You’re supposed to show some type of love to your significant other everyday for real, but there is nothing wrong with setting a day aside where you really go hard with it. Do what you feel is right and get your message across, the rest will handle itself. Y’all women some get us some shit too though. If I send you flowers to your job or crib that day, order me some wings or pizza to my job. Now that’s love.

Guy 5: Just another capitalist, money-generating ploy. In the same way Christmas has been hijacked, and turned into “who got the biggest, or most gifts”, Valentine’s Day is now “who is loved the most”. With that being said, the premise of the day is still love. If you have someone to share that with, maybe exchange some gifts, and try something new, I’d consider that a win. If not, enjoy all that heavily discounted candy on 2/15.

It’s Time To Stop Hating On Valentine’s Day.

Wildflowers Unscripted Writing Challenge Day 14: Valentine’s Day

First things first: Happy Valentine’s Day.

There’s always a lot of pressure for a holiday blog post. As holidays such as New Year’s Eve or Valentine’s Day start crawling up on me, I begin throwing around ideas until I land on my angle. It’s hard to cut through the Internet noise on days like today, so here goes my most valiant effort.

Everyone has an opinion about Valentine’s Day. They love it. They hate it. They are vocally indifferent about it (which I find a bit ironic, but that’s neither here nor there.) I have experienced that entire range of feelings when it comes to this day. This year, I’ve landed on loving it. Ok, love is a strong word. Perhaps it’s more like this year I’ve landed on not vehemently hating it as much as I once did. This year, I got invited to a friend’s dinner party and also plan to hit up a poetry slam after that. I have plans and even though they don’t involve a member of the opposite sex, I’m still looking forward to them.

I’m not sure how much your relationship status should determine how you feel about this day. I’ve had really shitty Valentine’s Days while single. Let’s have a brief moment of silence for the year I got sexiled from my dorm room. I’ve also had really shitty Valentine’s Days when I was in a relationship. Let us not forget the year my ex and I sat in a Starbucks arguing while he told me that I “couldn’t blame PMS on why I was acting that way.” Memories, like the corners of my mind.

Either way, I think for those who do actively hate this day, give it up. Stop hating. Let it be a good day or let it be just another day. But, why let it be a day that you so vehemently hate? If one day in the calendar year makes you feel so horrendous about being single, I would venture to guess there are so many other days in the year that make you feel the exact same way. Because it’s not the days; it’s you and your tiny beating heart that choose to feel that way. And, if there is anything life has taught me as of late, it is that how we react and how we behave is pretty much the only thing we can control. How you react to this day is within your full range of control. But, choosing to hate it just seems like such a waste of energy.

No matter your relationship status, you are no less or no more on this day. You are alive. Somewhere in your life, yes, there is love. That is much more than enough.

Xoxo,

Tyece

I Guess I’m Supposed to Be Bitter Because I’m Single and It’s Valentine’​s Day?

Best Valentine's Day gift everrrrr.
Best Valentine’s Day gift everrrrr.

In case I forgot to check my calendar today, I’ve been inundated with enough 15% off flowers.com emails to know that it is indeed Valentine’s Day. For the past month, my Gmail inbox has been taken over by every Living Social, Groupon, Tiffany’s and Victoria’s Secret advertisement that ever existed. To the Internet powers that be, thank you. I got it. But I am broke so you should take that to someone else’s message folder.

Yes, it is Valentine’s Day. As a single woman, I’m supposed to want to piss all over everything that is lovely and beautiful about today. The truth is, I’m getting laid on enough of a semi-routine basis to distract me from wallowing in futile self-pity. There. I said it. It’s shallow. It’s selfish. I shrug.

And, for the first time in maybe ever, I do not feel any sort of way about today. I have not sent out cute little valentines to all of my single girlfriends in a halfass attempt to make them feel loved. I have not contemplated the true purpose of my existence because I don’t have a boyfriend. I canceled my pre-Valentine’s Day soiree because 1) I had to work and 2) I realized that was some dumb shit and women don’t need an excuse to get together and drink copious amounts of wine. I did not buy myself anything. I am just sort of here capitalizing on the fact that most people are talking about this day and I want my blog to get some hits. Sorry I’m not sorry.

Looking back on my past Valentine’s Days, I’ve had great ones, shitty ones, and just plain ordinary ones. In summary, isn’t that life? Great days, shitty days, and forgettable days. The best Valentine’s Day to date was when I was 16 and I got Love Jones on DVD from my cute little high school boyfriend. You really can’t go wrong with Nina and Darius, come on, now. The worst was a half-ass date with my ex that involved Starbucks, My Bloody Valentine in 3D, and a pair of $3.99 leopard print panties from Forever 21 (My version of sexy on a college student budget.) One year, I had an exorbitantly priced date at Capital Grille and kept hoping they wouldn’t card me for drinking Port wine. Another year I got sexiled by my roommate and cried in my best friend’s dorm room. One year I went to Applebee’s with that same best friend. Last year, I attended my going away lunch at work in Massachusetts and left early to take my cat to the vet. See? Great. Shitty. Forgettable.

Like most things in life, today is as big of a deal as you make it out to be. You’re an American, dammit. You have freedom of speech. Freedom of religion. And freedom to spend Valentine’s Day however the hell you please. You can wriggle yourself into a tizzy because obviously being alone is equivalent to standing in the ninth circle of hell. You can go on an expensive date with your boo. You can adopt some wack expression like “Girl power” or, my personal favorite brought to by The Single Woman— “Galentine’s Day,” and hang out with your best bitter buddies. Or, you can pour a glass of Chardonnay and watch Scandal (my option this year.) It is Valentine’s Day. It is any other day. Do what you want.

Happy Valentine’s Day.

Xoxo,

Tyece