Which Woman Are You?

bio-pictureGuest post by Eboni of Keep Calm and Keep Yourself

I was scrolling through my Instagram timeline and found an interesting quote: “Other women are not my competition, I stand with them not against them.” It was a great quote and, of course, had thousands of likes. But, it really got me thinking. Is this quote really something that we as women abide by, or do we just “pretend” that we are all equally proud of one another, standing together holding hands singing Kumbaya? Come on now, you know that’s ridiculous.

If we as women are not “competing” then why is it that we tend to not go out to the club with girls who are “uglier then us,” thinking that men will steer clear? But on the other hand, we won’t go out with girls prettier than us because we think they will steal all the attention. Sometimes we even purposely go out with girls we think are ugly just to feel prettier. Sadly, this competitive nature gets even more pathetic.

Ever feel better about your life just by talking about another woman whose life is currently in shambles?  Ever compared your Facebook pictures to another woman’s – feeling skinny just because your high school girlfriend gained some weight? What about when you ask your friends what they are wearing out, just so you’re not outdone by their outfits? The list goes on and on.

The saddest part of this whole topic is that it’s not just young women who do this to one another – it’s every woman. Women, no matter what age, continue to judge, degrade and insult one another just to feel better about themselves.

My mother’s best friend, who is almost 60 and a very large woman, told my mom that sometimes her friends won’t eat out in public with her – simply because people tend to stare at her or give her bad service at restaurants. She then explained that she’s felt that way for years and that it still hurts her feelings.

The truth of the matter is that we do compete with other women. We talk about each other and get jealous of one another – whether it’s our best friend, a celebrity or the girl on the dance floor at the club. We roll our eyes when the girl with the big booty gets the most attention and whisper to our friends about the pretty girl on campus who “supposedly” slept with multiple football players – because this girl can’t just be a pretty girl that a lot of guys are attracted to – she’s got to be a hoe.

If we as women would stop trying to constantly one-up each other, we could do some amazing things within our society. We can put an end to the light skin vs. dark skin controversy and start really supporting one another, instead of hating on each other’s success behind closed doors. We as black women can stop looking disgusted when we see a white woman with one of “our black men” because frankly, that’s her man and there’s nothing we can say or do about it. Instead of being jealous about interracial dating and wishing our black men would come on home, we should just accept it and start dating other races. Everyone else has embraced interracial dating – why can’t we?

womanI'mcalledtobeSupporting other women is not a true desire but it’s a duty. It’s something we must do even when we don’t want to. Compare it to loving everyone and turning the other cheek. We go to church every Sunday and say we follow these spiritual principles but the minute we are disrespected, we are ready to fight and turn into completely different people. “Ugh, I hate that hoe other there.”

Which type of woman are you – a lover or a hater? Because, you can’t be both.

We should start complimenting each other, like Tyece from “Twenties Unscripted” said in her  post “Why Women Need to Look Out For Other Women.” Force yourself to go up to the girl with the big booty and compliment her on her outfit. Walk up to the pretty girl that you once called a hoe and tell her she’s got a beautiful smile. Sit down and eat with any woman, no matter what she looks like. Who cares if people stare? Support your best friend in every way – even if she’s getting married and your fiancé left you for another woman. It sometimes hurts to love and abstain from jealousy, but the more you make it a habit the easier it will be.

The most important thing to understand is that only weak-minded, unstable and insecure women hate on other women. We are all fighting the same fight. We have to know who we are and the type of women we are called to be. We have to stop worrying about other women and start worrying about the only woman we can control – ourselves.

About Keep Calm and Keep Yourself 

Keep Calm and Keep Yourself is a women’s wellness website and blog that helps women build healthy relationships and offers products that make women feel a little more beautiful. The blog explores popular relationship and dating topics and the online store provides women with revolutionary cosmetic products that improve the natural body’s look and feel.

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