You Don’t Need To Be A “Chill” Girl; Feelings Are Allowed.

Each night after I blog, I follow a routine of shameless social media self-promotion. Because, if you’re a blogger who wants to gain some sort of traffic for your work, you can either plant shameless plugs or wait to get discovered. Chances are the former will yield better results.

One aspect of my nightly shameless self-promotion involves tweeting sentences from that evening’s blog post in rapid succession. Last night, I saw someone tweet that he had just missed my series of tweets and he likes to be caught in the “current of the rant.” I took it as a compliment considering that in my Twitter bio, I claim that “I rant. I roar. But, mostly, I write.” Rant has a terribly negative connotation, but it also provided my Twitter bio with alliteration, so I snatched it up for all it was worth.

Last week, I bookmarked a Huffington Post Women’s article entitled “23 Things Every Woman Should Stop Doing.” The list was littered with gems, one of them being item 13, “Trying to be ‘chill.’ ”

Maybe you truly are the “cool girl” who loves nothing more than kicking back with a six-pack and a movie. But for those of us who don’t possess the “chill” gene, let’s stop trying. Striving to be the mellow girl at all times keeps us from expressing our needs, desires and opinions. –Huffington Post

I’m not a chill girl. After all, I rant. Clearly, I’m spilling over with emotion.

But, really, “chill” is probably not the first word I would pick on a list of adjectives to describe me. A friend once approached me and said, “I know I can tell you this because you’re a writer so you understand feelings and shit.” And, while it was an odd way to preface his statement, he was kind of right. I guess I do understand feelings. And shit.

Somewhere along the line, the words “mellow” and “unexcitable” became the descriptors we placed on a pedestal. We strived to be the kind of women who could just hang with the guys, throw back a few beers and remain unruffled by most matters. We did not want to be the kind of women prone to crying or speaking out, lest we mistakenly be labeled “crazy,” a term that is often improperly used to describe women when they simply display emotion.

But, you don’t need to be “chill.” Yes, you should be levelheaded. Sure, you should strive to poised. You should try not to completely lose your shit. You should be aware of your emotional energy and how you choose to displace it. But, you are entitled to feel and think and speak and act in ways that will not immediately characterize you as the “chill” girl.

So, don’t chill out. Speak up. Think. Feel. Care about something. Be excitable and be excited. Let things ignite you. Be a pistol. Be a thunderbolt. Be someone at a dinner table with something thought-provoking to say. Make people think. Thanks to Mark Zuckerberg and Jack Dorsey and David Karp, we no longer think. We just binge.

So quit pretending to be too cool for school. No need to box your feelings in hopes of keeping up appearances.



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